ITCHING-POWDER EXPRESSIONS ITCHING-POWDER EXPRESSIONS
The first ten times that I heard someone use the sing-songy expression, “Not a problem,” in place of the more normal, “No problem,” I recall thinking that it was somewhat cute. Maybe even the first twenty times that I heard it. But by the time that I’d heard it fifty times, one hundred times, and worse, I found myself more than ready to throttle the speaker. Why do people find it necessary to use each new trendy, temporary-flash-in-the-pan expression to death? Why must they overdo everything popular, like the proverbial beating-of-the-dead-horse? Why don’t they realize that they are taking something mildly cute and utterly ruining it? Overuse is the best, quickest way that I know of to turn the relatively inoffensive into the gratingly, ferociously offensive.
And then there are the expressions that were never inoffensive to begin with: the ones that invoked a cringe right from the very first exposure. Example: “No-brainer.” The very first time that I encountered it, in a newspaper article no less, I turned to my companion, and observed, “Well, this clearly means ‘brainless,’ but I don’t follow its usage in this context.” Then, I came to find out that it is intended to signify exactly the opposite meaning of how it appears. I wonder what witless wonder dreamed up that one.
Another expression that is automatic itching-powder-to-my-ears is, “Right-from-the-get-go.” What on earth is that? Is “get-go” supposed to be a short form for “get-up-and-go?” If so, why not simply say that??
What’s with people who say, “I could care less” when they really mean, “I couldn’t care less?” Why don’t they bother to analyze it when it’s so easy to do so? “I could care less” means “I care,” whereas “I couldn’t care less” means “I don’t care.” It is my understanding that the speaker invariably wishes to express his lack of caring, therefore, he needs the latter wording, not the former.
What’s going on with those people who confuse “waiting for” and “waiting on?” If you are waiting on someone, then you are a waiter or a waitress or a clerk, and that “someone” is your customer. If you are waiting for someone, then he or she has not yet even arrived. Once during my teaching years, a vice-principal greeted me with, “I’ve been waiting on you for ten minutes!” I staunchly replied, “How on earth did you do that when I wasn’t even here???” It brought him up short, needless to say.
Next oddity: how can you get between one thing? You can’t, obviously, but I’ve seen no end of people trying to do just that. I’ve seen phrases such as: “between each school,” “between each line,” and “between each hole.” Good grief! A former principal of mine was guilty of that first example! Again, obviously, the phrases should read: “between each two schools,” “between each two lines,” and “between each two holes.”
Kids are always among the first to pick up on a trendy modernism, and typically do so with smug grins for some incomprehensible reason. I was still teaching, years ago, when the expression “I have no clue” reared its ugly head and at least temporarily replaced “I have no idea” in common usage. After I had spent an exhaustive class period one day, imparting, illustrating, and giving endless examples of a new concept, I called on a lackluster student to see whether or not I had reached him. If I’d reached him, I’d likely have reached everybody. He absolutely enjoyed smugly announcing, “I have no clue.” If he hoped to impress me with current slang-usage instead of evidence of learning, he was to be thoroughly disappointed. I instantly flashed back with, “Oh yes you do! You have a million clues! I’ve spent this entire class period giving you nothing but clue after clue after clue! Now try something!” I still didn’t get much of an answer, but I at least managed to remove his smug smirk.
At the risk of creating one of those flippant, “in” expressions myself, I now proclaim all such linguistic irritants “dumbisms.” As in “dumb-isms.” If I write future articles in this vein, I will henceforth refer to them in this manner.
