SELF-DESTRUCTOR

This AU is based on the third-season episode entitled "Space Destructors."

            "You're very kind, Professor. Kinder than I deserve, considering all the trouble I've been," Smith said in both our universe and this next one. But in this different universe, he went on, "I can easily imagine what Major West wanted done to me."

            Robinson nodded. "I can confirm that. He voted for him and me to finally give you a beating, once and for all."

            Smith swallowed hard. "Thank you for overruling him."

            But Robinson shook his head. "I didn't. I agreed with him." He eyed Smith intently.

            Smith instantly paled dramatically and backed away a step or two. "But then, how...?"

            "Maureen and the children voted against hurting you. So that made it four against two."

            Smith didn't know what to say, so he just stared mutely, looking stricken.

            Then, Robinson remarked, "Though, I'm not sure they did you any favors."

            "What do you mean?" Smith asked in a small, timid voice.

            "Well, if Don and I clobber you, then the girls will nurse you back to health, and you'll still be with us. The alternative is permanent banishment." He eyed him for a moment.

            "I see your point," Smith responded, meekly as a mouse. "It's just that...I'm so afraid!"

            "We know. But now, let me ask you this: do you think that you don't deserve it?" This time he had a longer wait.

            Until Smith whispered, "No." Then, he asked shakily, "Why both of you?"

            Robinson nodded, already aware that Smith could guess the answer. "To frighten you worse," he confirmed matter-of-factly.

            "Well, it...certainly does that."

            "We know."

            "Where...is...he?" He looked around in fright, half expecting West to jump out at him.

            "Don's at the drill site. Waiting for me. Or waiting for us."

            Smith whimpered.

            "If I show up alone, we have plenty of drilling to do. But if I show up with you...."

            Smith shivered and sobbed once. Then he asked, "But won't your family be angry with you and the major if you hurt me???"

            Robinson shrugged. "They can't be too angry, once we tell them that you made the choice."

            Smith teared up, and said softly, "I can't! You know that I can't!!"

            "Very well, Smith. Goodbye." Robinson turned to go.

            "Wait!!" His face was etched in torment. Robinson turned back to him, but did not relent.       "Yes?" he said coolly.

            "I...can't. And I...can't...not."

            Robinson nodded rueful understanding.

            "May I...go closer to you? Is it safe?"

            He nodded again.

            Smith approached gingerly, said impulsively, "Hold me!", and slipped his arms under Robinson's and around his middle.

            "Smith...," Robinson said uncomfortably. But he tolerated holding him for a few moments, patting him awkwardly, until Smith pulled away slightly on his own. Robinson was mildly shocked to see that tears streamed down the older man's face, and that Smith was visibly steeling himself for what he next needed to say.

            Haltingly, Smith asked, "Please...may...I ask a favor of...you...and...the major?" His last word was barely whispered.

            Robinson's brows rose in surprise. Smith was, by implication, committing himself to submitting to Robinson's and West's scary proposition. "What is it, Smith?" he asked gently.

            "I've...seen...you and him...fight aliens, and I've been horrified by the viciousness of your attack. You give no warning; you are relentlessly aggressive, and you continue to press your attack, giving them no time to even try to recover from the shock of one blow before you deliver the next. Please, could you consider...treating me more gently than that???" His eyes were plaintive and terrified, and shone wetly.

            Kindly, the younger man said, "I can agree to that, and I will help to make sure that Don listens to your request before anything begins. I can't guarantee how he'll react, however."

            "Fair enough. I understand." But his voice quavered.

            "Shall we go to him now?"

            Smith gave a slight nod of acquiescence, and allowed Robinson to guide him with a somewhat supportive arm around his shoulders. Smith sniffled the entire way.

            They arrived at the drill site all too soon. The moment that West caught sight of them, he grinned broadly. Upon seeing that, Smith's legs nearly went out from under him in fright, but Robinson hastily caught him.

            Robinson held up a hand to West, and said, "Before we get started, Smith has a very reasonable request, in my opinion. I promised him that you would hear him out before we do anything to him."

            "All right," West said agreeably, clearly in no particular hurry and savoring the anticipation.

            Sniffling and whimpering, Smith repeated his plea. West honestly enjoyed it. It was apparent that he relished Smith's awareness and description of their typical behavior, and was interested in the specific requests that Smith felt compelled to make. Like Robinson, he agreed, in good humor, to abide by them.

            Eloquently, Smith pleaded, "I'm so afraid of what you two are capable of! You needn't look so eager, Major. Please don't be sadistic with me!"

            Robinson steadied Smith one last time, and then moved a bit away from him, and facing him, to his right. West moved closer, in front of him and to his left.

            Smith moaned, "Oh god, my worst nightmare is coming true!!"

            West asked, "This is your worst nightmare? Us beating you?"

            Smith nodded almost dizzily, unsteadily. "It's a recurring nightmare."

            "You actually dream about us beating you?" wondered Robinson.

            "You almost do. But then I scream, and wake myself up, just before it can happen."

            West sputtered laughter, but his smile was no longer unkind; it was nearly sympathetic.

            "I wish screaming could wake me up now!!!"

            "'Fraid it doesn't work that way."

            "Oh how I wish I had four arms!!!"

            "Why?"

            "To do this." Smith covered his face with both hands. "And this." Both of his hands went to protect his abdomen.

            Robinson chuckled, not unkindly. "Well, you've certainly paid attention to where our main targets are."

            "Smith," West said, also not unkindly. "You're stalling."

            "I...know. Please, one other thing I'd better tell you."

            "Now what's that?" asked Robinson.

            "Even though I...agreed to this...to avoid banishment.., I'm not going to be able to stop myself from begging for mercy, and screaming to be spared.... It won't mean I've changed my mind; it'll only mean that I can't stop myself. You'll...have to just ignore me, I suppose."

            "All right," Robinson said equitably. "That's very insightful of you, to comprehend your own motives that way, and tell us in advance."

            West was nodding. "Okay, noted. We'll ignore your pleas."

            "Well...you could be just a bit gentler, if you can bring yourself to. I just mean: don't stop and then banish me."

            "We get it, Smith."

            Robinson inquired, "All right, ready?"

            "Never! But yeah."

            Sotto voce, Robinson told West, "I'll go first. Low, then high."

            "Right."

            "What???" said a confused Smith, who then panicked and covered his face with his hands and screamed.

            Robinson slammed his fist into Smith's midsection, which automatically caused the latter's hands to drop, to cradle his middle as he bent double, whereupon West punched him in the now-exposed nose. Smith went down screaming.

            West remarked, "You were right about needing four hands, Smith. All we had to do was cause you to move your hands away from your face, to expose it."

            Smith looked up at them through blurring tears. "You knew that would happen!"

            Robinson clarified, "That your hands would drop from your face to your gut when I hit you there, yeah. It was automatic."

            Smith moaned loudly.

            "On your feet, Smith," ordered West.

            "Oh no! Not again!!"

            "Surely, you didn't imagine that we were finished already, did you?" demanded Robinson. "On your feet."

            "I...can't!!! It hurts too much!!! I'm afraid of you!!! You hit too hard!!! You're hurting me!!!" Smith writhed on the ground.

            West said ruefully, "Well that is the general idea."

            "Please stop; I beg you!!!"

            Robinson commented, "Well, you did warn us that you would say things like that."

            West added, "And that we should just ignore you."

            "No!!! This is so much worse than I ever imagined it to be!!!"

            The two men moved forward, took hold of him, and raised him from the ground.

            "No! No!! No!!! NO!!!!!!!!!" The last was a high-pitched shrill shriek that the men would never have expected a man to be able to make, one that they would have much more likely expected from a young girl.

            West rammed him in the gut, and Robinson dealt what would become a black eye.

            Smith collapsed in a heap, crying, sobbing loudly and constantly. "Oh please let this be enough!!! Let me go!!! Oh please spare me!!!" He was dimly aware that Robinson turned his back to Smith, to converse softly with West, while he lay quivering in pain and terror.

            When they turned back to him, Smith blubbered, "Oh please no!!! You two hit too hard!!!"

            They moved toward him more closely, and their victim cringed.

            Robinson told him, "Smith. We're not hitting you hard at all. We're both holding back."

            "What???" he cried faintly.

            West agreed, "We can hit much harder than that, at least three times harder."

            "Oh no! No!! I beg you!! Don't show me what that's like!!! Please!!!" Smith tucked himself into a ball, and squirmed to curl up even tighter.

            "We had already decided we were finished. That's what our little conference was about," Robinson declared firmly.

            "Until next time," added West.

            "Next time??!!" Smith was horrified. "Oh please don't ever do this to me again!!!"

            "No guarantees, Smith," West told him.

            "I'm at your mercy! I desperately hope that you have any!!!"

            "You know we do," Robinson said gently. "We've already shown it." With that, he bent and picked up their sobbing victim, and carried him home to the Jupiter II.