DESENSITIZATION

 

 

            Penny, Jody, Buck, and Mill-wheel were relaxing around the campfire after a full day of fact-finding regarding the storm-and-flood damage. All but Penny indulged in dining on wildcat liver, and sharing the folklore that eating wildcat liver was supposed to make one fearless.

            Regarding his refusal to partake, Penny joked, "Iffen I was to git any braver, I'd be rompin' on you Forresters and gittin' hell beat outta me agin."

            Mill-wheel's eyes glowed. "That sure was some fight, wa'n't it?"

            Buck's eyes also glittered in the firelight. "I mean!"

            The three men chuckled in camaraderie.

            The only uneasy one was Jody, who squirmed where he sat. "How kin you-all joke 'bout that?"

            Surprised and mildly disconcerted, Penny said quietly, "Well, Jody, that's how we git over it, git past it. Bein' able to joke on it lets us forgive and move on and feel more comfortable." The Forresters nodded concurrence.

            "Yeah, and lets us forgit how awful 'twas, so's it kin easier happen agin!" he fussed. "Hit don't make me more comfortable; makes me serious uncomfortable!" Joey sounded scared and resentful.

            "Well, boy, right now you're makin' the rest of us uncomfortable," his father admonished.

            "I'm sorry, Pa," he whined, "but I cain't he'p it! You ain't forgot a'ready 'bout how Lem a'most kilt me, and all them nightmares I keep havin' since!"

            The Forresters stared at him.

            Mill-wheel scoffed, "Lem ain't a'most kilt you, boy; he only hit you oncet!"

            "Well," Penny admitted reluctantly to the men, "The young un was out cold a heap o' hours, and we was mighty fretted 'bout him."     

            Despite Penny's conciliatory tone, Mill-wheel remained irritated, and he remarked, "Boy, don't go blamin' Lem. You know you jumped him first and invited what he done to you. Buck and me woulda been jest as capable o' hurtin' you jest as much, did you pick one of us, 'stead o' Lem."

            Jody was dismayed at the unexpected additional threat. "But you wouldn'ta? Would you??"

            Both Forresters eyed him skeptically.

            Penny said, "Jody, with no offense to our friends here, you ain't forgot they both hurted me, and Oliver, too? Why you figger you'd not be touched?"

            Wide-eyed, ignoring his father, Jody regarded their bearded companions. "But not me!" he stammered. "Oh, say you'd not!"

            Trying to retain his patience, Buck commented, "We're jest pointin' out, Lem ain't more dangerous'n the rest of us Forresters."

            "Oh please don't!" Jody blurted bluntly, as if it should be a simple thing for them to promise him, regardless of his own future behavior. "Say you'd not! Not me!"

            Peeved, Mill-wheel demanded, "Why you figger you deserve special treatment, special promises?"

            "'Cause I'm too leetle!"

            "Too leetle to fight with us?"

            "Yes!"

            "So's your pa. So what?"

            "I mean, too young!"

            "Well, then mebbe you should think on that, afore decidin' to butt in next time."

            "And you should spare me!"

            Buck joined in, "Lemme git this straight. You kin use any bad behavior toward us, but for your own good, we're s'posed to handle you gentle 'cause you shoulda stayed outen it in the first place?"

            Jody was at a loss. He wanted to say yes, but he suspected that it was a trick question, sarcasm still being mostly beyond him.

            Mill-wheel jumped back in, "Gee, mebbe we should spare Penny and Oliver for their own good, too, 'cause they shoulda stayed outen it."

            Even more confused, Jody just blinked back at him. When Mill-wheel responded with a disgusted grunt, and Buck muttered an inaudible rude retort, Jody mumbled self-consciously, "Well, yeah, since you-all're so powerful." A new thought came to Jody. "But, ...you-all spared me when Pa was snakebit and I goed to you for he'p."

            Buck and Mill-wheel exchanged a significant look.

            "Uh huh, I knowed it!" Mill-wheel realized. "You was cryin' for two reasons: fretted for your pa o' course, but also 'cause you was afeered of us."

            "We figgered," Buck concurred. "We could tell."

            Solemnly, Penny confirmed, "Jody begged me not to take him to face you-all that day." Abruptly, he colored with embarrassment, suddenly realizing that he'd just admitted that the two Baxters had actually been on their way to confront the Forresters, when the snake had bitten.

            But instead of looking angry, the two bearded men were amused.

            In explanation, Jody mumbled, "They know, Pa. I told Mill-wheel."

            The indicated Forrester nodded, grinning. "You was huntin' your hogs. And you a'ready knowed we had 'em."

            Buck concluded, "You was on your way to take us on agin, when the snake got in the way." He grinned.

            Penny concluded, "And you-all was layin' for us, o' course."

            The Forresters chuckled.

            Jody stuttered, "Was you...a'ready plannin'...who was gonna...go after Pa...and who would...hurt me??"

            Buck shrugged. "Whoever got to each o' you fastest."

            "Then, ...ain't none o' you...woulda spared me??!"

            "Nope," said Mill-wheel casually.

            Jody sniffled, but then said plaintively, "But you still spared me...when I had to go alone."

            Buck wrinkled his nose in distaste. "Well, with all your caterwaulin' and carryin'-on, we ain't had the heart to git rough with you."

            "But I'd allus cry, ...with you-all comin' at me!"

            "Don't matter," said Mill-wheel flatly. "You wa'n't quarrelin' when your pa was snakebit. That's the real point. But no amount o' cryin''ll save you, iffen you're there quarrelin'."

 

            The next time that Jody encountered the Forresters after that, he was shy and skittish. They noticed, of course, and obviously knew why; Buck and Mill-wheel had clearly told the rest. It didn't help that Jody was alone, and that all six of the Forresters were present and grinning at him from their horses. They dismounted and leisurely sauntered toward him.

            "What you doin' out here alone?" Buck wondered casually.

            Jody fumbled, "Goin' to...the Glen...jest fur...jest 'cause I...like it there."

            "Stop backin' away from me." Buck grinned through his attempted stern look.

            "I'm...'fraid...o' you...."

            "We know that," Arch smiled broadly. "Poor leetle feller."

            Jody could tell that his pity was insincere; the boy was finally just beginning to comprehend sarcasm. What was worse, Arch was making his own slow approach to Jody as well. The boy nearly choked on his fear, made a strange strangling sound, and commenced active crying, bringing a chortle from the men.

            "That didn't take long," remarked Pack, who was circling gradually around behind Jody.

            Hearing the voice from behind him brought Jody to full awareness that he was being corralled. Instantly spooked, he burst forward before the loose circle could become a tight prison, but that action brought him uncomfortably close to Mill-wheel. Jody shrieked, stopped his motion so suddenly that he nearly fell, and stumbled backward clumsily, inadvertently sidestepping almost into Arch. Arch made a playful grab and intentionally missed, driving the frightened child back into the center where they wanted him. By then, Lem and Gabby were firmly inserted into the now-perfect circle as well.

            Jody's wild, terrified eyes frantically fled from one man to the next, seeking some sign of mercy. Seeing none, he let out a screech of high-pitched hysteria. Mill-wheel, Pack, and Lem actually guffawed, and the rest at least chuckled.

            Finding Buck the easiest to trust, doubtless due to the weeks that Buck had lived with the Baxters, Jody fled to him, throwing his arms around him, and blubbering incoherently.

            With an exaggerated sigh and roll of his eyes, Buck hauled the panicky child up into his arms.

            "Now, boy, stop screamin' in my ear, and talk sense, or I'll put you right back down in the middle."

            Desperate to stay where he was, Jody struggled to curb his loud sobs, and managed to turn them into soft whimpering spasms instead, further amusing the Forresters.

            "That's a mite better. Now calm down."

            Jody stared at Buck in disbelief.

            "What? Cain't calm down?"

            "N...n...n...n...not...w...w...w...without...n...n...knowin'...!"

            "Slow down. Make sense."

            The others were trying to stifle their humor, without success.

            "Not without knowin' what?" prompted Buck.

            "If...you're...gonna..., if...you're...gonna...!"

            "If we're gonna hit you," supplied Arch.

            Jody nodded vigorously.

            "Oh!" Buck pretended to be surprised. "Is that it?" he teased. "So what? It jest hurts a mite, and then goes away."

            Jody struggled for clarity. "But that's what I don't want!" he cried, as if it were a shocking revelation.

            Buck smiled gently. "Jody, nobody likes the pain."

            "Then why do it to each other???" he begged shakily.

            "Well, we don't enjoy gittin' pain, but we sure enjoy givin' it."

            "I'm afraid!!! I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid...!" he went on and on, and buried his tiny, terrorized face in Buck's beard.

            Buck chuckled non-maliciously. "You figger you're well-hid and safe from our fists in there?"

            Jody just continued whimpering.

            Mill-wheel reached over and poked him gently in the shoulder. "Jody. Look at me."

            The boy did so, through blurred eyes, cringing and ducking anticipated blows. "Please...please!!!" he begged softly.

            "Calm down. Jody, what you're feelin', that's what every man feels. We jest don't let ourselves show it."

            Jody stared. "Even Pa?? And Oliver???"

            "Sure," he said easily. "They jest hide it good."

            "Then, ...iffen they hide it so good, how you know they feel it??"

            "Well, no matter how good they hide it, there's a thing or two happens, they cain't he'p. And that shows it."

            "Like what?"

            Lem enjoyed answering, "A feller gits real pale when he's about to git hit. And right after. Or when he thinks he's gonna git hit. Kinda like you're doin' right now." He grinned broadly. "And once the fist is comin' at him, he blinks his eyes real tight, to protect 'em. And kinda makes a face. Yeah, like that." He chuckled at the boy's expression. "And all that's from fear."

            Jody sobbed in despair. But he couldn't resist asking, "Did...Pa...and...Oliver...??"

            "Sure."

            "And...you...enjoyed that...didn't you??" Jody was clearly in distress at the cold-hearted meanness of it.

            "Course."

            Mill-wheel remarked, "But I'll admit, Oliver goed outta his way to pretend he wa'n't scared nor hurtin'. When you and your pa first come up, he seed you, Jody, and he smiled at you."

            Jody squirmed. "You...noticed that??"

            Buck replied, "I seed it, too. I figger he done it to reassure Jody, and to snub us, like sayin' to us, 'You ain't hurted me, and you cain't hurt me.' Bein' defiant. A brave act."

            Jody's horror grew. "But, ...that'd rile you-all worse! Like darin' you! Make you hit even harder!"

            "Course it would," agreed Buck. "And it did. But no matter what we done, he'd not back down."

            Mill-wheel concurred. "He'd not break. We coulda kilt him, 'fore we coulda broke him."

            "And...'break him'...means: make him show fear??? Make him...stop actin' brave??"

            "Yep."

            Jody shivered violently."And that was what you was tryin' to do?? Break him???"

            "Course," said Lem. "That's allus the point."

            Jody whispered, "So that's what Grandma meant!"

            Buck jiggled Jody for his attention. "What'd she say?"

            "That he was proud."

            Buck nodded briefly. "That was it. What'd you think she meant?"

            Jody half-shrugged. "I jest thought to myself, 'Proud o' what? Bein' a fool, and causin' a heap o' trouble for ever'body??'"

            The Forresters laughed good-naturedly. Then, Arch supplied, "No, for bein' brave, and not backin' down, nor beggin', nor cryin' like you're doin'."

            Stung by the jab, Jody whined, "I don't keer! You-all kin call me coward, or anythin' else you want, long's you don't hurt me!!" He sniffed, looking sad and bitter.

            Mill-wheel looked slightly irked. "We got to learn you to toughen up. You're the opposite of Oliver. Lord, you break afore we kin even touch you."

            Jody's bitterness grew. "That's the idea. On'y way I kin protect myself! You said you wanta...break...your victim. So, I'm broke right off. Saves you a heap o' work."  

            Exasperated, Pack said, "Jody, we're tryin' to he'p you. Learn you not to break so quick."

            "So's I kin git hurt, and then break anyways. I like my way better."

            Lem frowned. "You'll feel diff'rent when you're a man. And you'll look back and be 'shamed o' this day. You'll wish you'd learnt proper, sooner."

            "No! I'll never tangle with you-all agin, never!!!"

            Mill-wheel sighed heavily. "Boy, you ain't cooperatin'. We keep tryin' to he'p. And you keep pullin' the wrong way. Do we got to really gang up on you? And git you used to it?"

            "I don't want you to!!!" he blubbered.

            "Jody, nobody wants us to."

            "It hurts!!!"

            "It's s'posed to!"

            "No!!!!" He tried frantically to climb Buck, as though he were a tree, trying nonsensically to somehow escape.

            Gabby remarked, "Looks like a dog, tryin' to hump your leg."

            They guffawed.

            "Huh?" murmured Jody in bafflement.

            "Ne' mind."

            Pack suggested, "Let's go 'bout this diff'rent. Jody, more'n one year, at the doin's, I seed you dancin' with Eulalie Boyles."

            Jody colored with embarrassment and lowered his gaze.

            "And I noticed you glarin' at that boy runs the ferry, whenever he danced with her."

            Jody's blush deepened.

            Arch's eyes narrowed astutely. "What ails you, boy? Why you 'shamed o' this?"

            Jody squirmed in misery. "Are you-all gonna tease me 'bout likin' her?? I a'ready git too much o' that from Pa and Oliver."

            Pack shook it off and went on, "Well, anyways, you do like her; that's clair. So, you gonna fight him someday? The ferry boy?"

            "I don't know!" Jody was miserable. He didn't know when he'd ever been so upset about so many different things at once.

            Annoyed by his non-answer, Arch demanded, "The point is, are you afeered to fight him?"

            "No!" Jody blurted indignantly. "Course not!"

            "That's the right answer!" Arch praised him.

            "Hit's only you-all, I'm 'fraid of! Only you-all, I'll never fight agin!"

            "And that's the wrong answer!" Arch sighed heavily.

            Gabby quipped, "Well, leastways, we done broke him in for others. Least he ain't no fight-virgin."

            They laughed heartily.

            "Huh??" said Jody once again.

            "Ne' mind," Gabby repeated.

            "Back to my idea," Mill-wheel broke in irritably. "Mebbe we jest got to git him used to this gradual, with us."

            "Mill-wheel, please no!!!" Jody looked quite worry-worn and fear-weary.

            Experimentally, Mill-wheel showed Jody his fist, close-up.

            With a choke-sob, Jody wailed, "No!!! It's too big!!!"

            Gabby joked, "Seems to me, I've heered that from a heap o' gals!"

            "Huh???" asked Jody once more.

            "Ne' mind."

            The men laughed enthusiastically, and Pack jabbed Gabby with an elbow, smirking.

            Buck urged, "Jody, think how Oliver takened this. He'da seed Mill-wheel's fist, and made one o' his own right back."

            "I ain't Oliver!"

            "I know," Buck said gently.

            Mill-wheel said, "We're gonna keep 'practicin' you' 'til you git it right."

            Jody moaned. He feared that he had a long, scary road ahead of him.