FUNDAMENTAL DIFFERENCES

 

 

            Jody was on the ground, sprawled out flat. He blinked up in dread at Lem, wondering why he was still conscious. Then he remembered Lem's sadism, and saw it in his face. Lem enjoyed taking his time with Jody; he didn't just want to blast him into oblivion on the first blow; he wanted to play with him. Cat and mouse. This wasn't like the fight in Volusia; Lem hadn't had time for him then; he'd been busy with Oliver and Penny. But those two opponents were not here on this hunting trip; Penny had rheumatism, and Oliver was exiled to Boston. The Forresters could have Jody all to themselves.

            Jody cursed himself for a fool. Why had he dared to challenge Lem over his mistreatment of one of his own dogs? Doubtless, Lem always behaved this way, and the Forrester dogs were used to it, or at least stuck with it. But now Jody was in trouble. Even the other Forresters were enjoying it; they knew that Jody had started it, and they knew that Lem had held back on his punch, so they didn't see the need to rush to Jody's defense. Further, he was getting older; the men likely even saw this as some kind of rite of passage.

            "Git up," Lem ordered, eager to go again. He prodded Jody's foot harmlessly with the toe of his own boot.

            The blond didn't move. He just lay there looking up at him. Misunderstanding, Buck put down a hand to help him up to his feet. Jody did not take it. He knew what was coming if he were once again upright.

            "Come on," Buck urged, smiling.

            "No! Please, no. I cain't do this. I'm too leetle. Too young. Too scared."

            Mill-wheel came closer as well, looking puzzled. "Now what is this?"

            "I shouldn'ta fussed at Lem 'bout the dog. I'm sorry. I'll not do that agin. I got no business crossin' you-all."

            "Now jest hold on," Buck lectured him. "You ain't too young. You a'ready got into that fight with us in Volusia, and that was a coupla years ago."

            "And that was the worst mistake o' my life, and I'll not repeat it."

            Mill-wheel put in, "And too leetle? Sure, but so what? That ain't stopped your pa. Nor you, up 'til now."

            "I ain't brave like Pa. And I ain't tough like Pa. I learnt my lesson in Volusia, not to take you-all on."

            Buck sighed in annoyance. "And you say you're too scared, eh?"

            "Yes," Jody admitted readily. "And I'm askin' to be spared."

            Lem spat, and regarded Jody as if he'd lost his mind.

            Arch spoke up, "Boy, it's time to grow up. You're too old to be sich a baby no more."

            Jody ignored him, and looked only to Buck. Remaining calm, he told him, "I'm afraid, Buck. I'm afraid of Lem, and of any o' you who might ever mean me harm. I'm askin' you to have mercy on me."

            Buck stared. "Do you know what you're sayin'?"

            "I'm sayin' I don't never wanta tussle with none o' you-all, never agin."

            "That ain't what Buck means," Mill-wheel said sharply.

            Misunderstanding, Jody tried again, "Mill-wheel, please. I'm frightened. I'm askin' for your pity. Don't hurt me. Never, please!" His tone was earnest.

            Pack addressed Buck and Mill-wheel, "He don't know. You two ain't gittin' through to him at all."

            Jody blinked, looking helplessly from one to another of them.

            Apparently deciding in favor of patience, Buck sat down next to Jody and explained to him, "You're givin' up your pride, your self-respect, your manhood, to us."

            "Huh?"

            Mill-wheel joined them on the other side of Jody. "Don't you never want no respect?"

            Jody shrugged. "From you-all? No. I cain't never 'spect to have it. You'll allus be bigger'n me, and you'll allus be older'n me. It'll allus be my job to respect you, not th'other way 'round. And I do respect you-all."

            Mill-wheel scratched his head and looked pensive. Then, he tried, "We'll allus be bigger'n Penny, too, but we got respect for him."

            Jody shrugged again. "Then, I reckon that's 'cause he's older'n you."

            "No," Mill-wheel insisted. "Hit's 'cause he's earned it. He never backed down to us."

            Jody stared blankly.

            "He don't git it," stated Arch.

            Buck tried a different tact. "Are you gonna back down this-a-way to ever'body? Run from every fight that ever comes along?"

            Jody looked at him. "No. I reckon not. Reckon I'll not run from nobody else but you-all."

            "Why us?" Lem demanded, disappointed.

            Jody could hardly believe that Lem needed to ask. "'Cause you're diff'rent. You're scary."

            That pumped up Lem's ego a bit. He was smug.

            "You're too much bigger an' stronger'n me, and there're too many of you."

            Buck rubbed his forehead, as if fighting a headache. "Jody, you know we'll never hurtcha."

            The blond stared in disbelief. "You mean Lem didn't hit me jest now; I imagined it?? Nor in Volusia, neither???"

            "Don't git smart," Buck snapped at him.

            "I ain't. He hit me and it hurt. Why you figger I should wanta keep gittin' up so's he kin hit me agin?"

            "I mean, we'll never hurt you serious."

            "I still don't wanta be in pain; why should I? Buck, I'm startin' to think the rest o' you enjoy this too much, too, and not jest Lem." Jody didn't like the look in Buck's eyes. He glanced quickly toward Mill-wheel for support, saw the same look, and scrambled hastily backward, retreating from between them. Buck stopped him cold with a hand on his ankle.

            Jody panicked. "Oh, please don't hurt me!"

            Buck looked disgusted. "I ain't! Gawd forbid, since that's all that matters to you! I jest want your attention."

            "Y...you got it." Jody's voice quavered.

            Buck spoke harshly. "Fine, iffen that's the way you want it. We'll not lay a hand on you. But in exchange, you've done gave us your pride and your self-respect. They're ourn. And we own you."

            Thoroughly intimidated, still mystified at the meaning of all of this, and bewildered at Buck's anger, Jody could only nod. And where he hoped to see pity in Buck's eyes, he saw only contempt. Jody was surrendering gladly. But it was a surrender that Buck did not want.

            A bit more tolerantly, Mill-wheel said, "We'll at least leave you a way outen this. We'll not tell nobody 'bout this. So's you kin change your mind. You ever want your pride back, you'll know how to git it."

            Jody stared at Mill-wheel uncomprehendingly. The big man was offering him 'a way out of it,' but in Jody's mind, he'd already gotten 'out of it.' He'd even extracted an unprecedented promise that they would never hurt him again. It seemed too good to be true! But now, instead of being happy about that, he was supposed to be miserable. So much so, that he was expected to want the promise rescinded. He was supposed to want pride, but his mother called pride a sin. And no, even if he wanted it, he didn't know 'how to get it back.'

            Mill-wheel observed Jody's mystified expression, and blew out a loud sigh of exasperation.

            With exaggerated patience, Arch explained, "Iffen you ever want your pride back, you got to face us. Stand up to us. And, 'cause we keer 'bout you, once you do, we'll forgive today as childishness."

            "Stand up to you," Jody echoed. "You mean, and git beat."

            Pack said, "That's right."

            By now, annoyed as well, Jody declared, "Keep it! I'll not be needin' nothin' with no price like that on it!" He defiantly struggled to his feet, dusted himself off, and turned his back to them.

            The hunt recommenced, but immediately, constantly, and unanimously, the Forresters began ordering Jody around: fetch this, take that, do this, do that.

            Presently, Jody gave Buck a hurt look and asked why they were treating him this way.

            "I told you," Buck said shortly, "we own you now."

            "Ain't fair."

            Buck's brows rose hopefully. "You wanta challenge us?"

            After quickly glancing and seeing similar looks from all of the men, Jody hung his head. "No, sir," he answered humbly.

            Gritting their teeth against their disappointment in him, the Forresters dropped the matter for now.

            Particularly obnoxiously, Lem hovered closely, frequently staring belligerently at him.

            Forced thus to feel constantly uneasy, Jody finally timidly asked, "Lem, why're you follerin' me so close and starin' at me so mean?"

            Lem smirked. "'Cause it's fun to watch you git scared."

            Jody gave him a wounded look, and his bitter gaze flowed from Lem to Buck and Mill-wheel. "Cain't you make him stop?"

            "He ain't hurtin' you. That's all that matters to you," Buck said flatly, coldly. "We warned you."

            Mill-wheel agreed, "You've shamed yourself. We got no sympathy."

            "But he's still bullyin' me," Jody complained miserably.

            "So what?" Buck returned callously. "Like I said, he ain't hurtin' you. That's all we promised."

            Mill-wheel added, "And o' course he's bullyin' you. You're a coward."

            Jody's heart sank. He was only just beginning to realize the depth of despair to which they intended to subject him. He murmured quietly, "I reckon you-all must hate me now, to treat me like this."

            "No," Arch answered matter-of-factly. "We're jest 'shamed o' you, disappointed in you. We've lost respect for you."

            "So," Jody said bitterly, "I gotta be the way you say I gotta be, or you'll be mean to me. I ain't allowed to make my own choice without you punishin' me, 'cause it don't agree with yourn." He didn't like the facial expressions that his words caused the men to exhibit.

            Pack said flatly, "You made your choice, and now you pay the price."

            Jody felt a growing pressure from behind his eyes and nose. "S'cuse me a minute. I gotta be alone." He turned to walk off into the scrub.

            Lem's words stopped him. "You gonna cry, baby? Why not do it in front of us? You've a'ready disgraced yourself. You cain't make it no worse."

            More devastated than obedient, Jody burst into tears. He buried his face in his hands, and he sank to the ground. He just sat there sobbing.

            Torn between today's disgust, and the tenderness that he'd always felt for the boy, Buck went over to him. His brothers saw his conflicted expression, and most of them sympathized. He tried to be gruff. "Aw, here now. What's all this? Jody, iffen you ain't the daggonedest leetle feller I ever did see." He sat down near Jody, but made no effort to touch him.

            Jody's shimmering eyes rose to Buck, resembling aquamarines in a shallow pond. He whispered, "But I loved you."

            Buck's heart seized, both at the awesome sentiment, and at the tragic use of the past tense. Uncharacteristically, he swallowed hard. He said, "But you don't no more?"

            Jody hesitated. He'd finally gotten through to Buck, and wanted to tread carefully. "Well, I don't know if feelin's as strong as mine kin die in one day, but you're bein' awful cruel to me. I s'pose iffen you was to continue this, day after day, year after year...." He trailed off, his meaning clear.

            Buck looked very hurt, and made no reply.

            Mill-wheel tried, "Cain't you see we're tryin' to he'p you? To make you finish growin' up? To he'p you become a man?"

            Jody thought carefully before he replied. "I think it's more'n I kin handle. At least, more'n I kin handle...yit."

            In despair, Buck asked, "You figger somehow we mebbe done this to you? Come on too strong, too rough?"

            The blond considered it. "I think mebbe the fight come too soon. When I wa'n't ready. When I was too young. And done me some damage."

            Even Lem made an effort. "But I only hit you oncet, in Volusia. Yes, I know you was knocked out seven hours, and you couldn't move when you first woke up. But then, you got up soon after, right? You goed home with Penny the same day, right?"

            Jody nodded. "But it was also that you-all was so willin' to hurt Pa and me, that you was willin' to take the risk, and us bein' so leetle. But most of all, it was what you done to Oliver. I've been terrified ever since that someday you'll do it to me." He wiped his eyes.

            The Forresters looked guiltily at one another. They didn't have the background to understand trauma and phobias, but they were able to instinctively sense the gravity of Jody's difficulty.

            Hoping that an expression of concern would soften Jody's apparent view of them as monsters, Buck asked gently, "Well, he recovered okay, didn't he? He got back to normal?"

            "Yes, but it was all he goed through! For months! His pain, and the nightmares he had!" Jody's voice lowered in volume. "And the nightmares I had." He stared at his lap.

            Everybody but Lem managed not to look smug; even Lem tried not to, although he mostly failed. But at least Jody didn't see it.

            "Tell us 'bout the nightmares," Mill-wheel requested, to show his concern, and to keep the conversation going.

            Jody said quietly, "Mostly, I jest dreamed I was in the place Oliver'd been: in the middle o' the three o' you. But sometimes it was all six o' you." He shuddered. "And I don't never wanta face that for real!" The tears returned. This time, Jody cried softly, instead of the loud sobbing. Somehow, that broke their hearts even more.

            This time, Buck couldn't resist, and he put his hand on the younger fellow's shoulder. Jody looked up at him, although he looked through eyes nearly blinded by tears. Buck winced in sympathy. Jody sniffed, and asked, "You know, I'm wonderin': you-all're kinda friends with Easy Ozell, ain't you? And I bet he never stood up to you. I sure cain't picture it, anyways."

            "That's diff'rent," Arch replied. "He's old. And piteeful."

            "We like him, I s'pose," Pack said. "But we don't respect him like your pa. Your pa's special."

            Mill-wheel followed the logical thought, "I reckon we was jest assumin' you'd be another Penny."

            Touched despite his fear, Jody said, "Mebbe. Someday. I jest ain't ready."

            Buck smiled gently at him. "How old are you now, fifteen?"

            Jody nodded. "And Oliver was twenty when he stood up to you." He suddenly realized how that remark could be taken, and hastily added, "Course, I ain't guaranteein' I'll be ready at twenty, neither."

            The Forresters chuckled good-naturedly.

            Buck said sagely, "Well, I reckon we kin be patient a few more years, and see when you're ready." He carefully did not say "if."

            Mill-wheel agreed, "And in the meantime, we kin give you the benefit of the doubt."

            This time, when Buck put down a hand to help Jody up, the blond took it.